There are almost as many quotations on the subject of happiness as there are versions of it. For some, happiness is having survived a serious illness or accident, or the ability to live a life safe from fear or money worries. For others, it’s about having their loved ones around them, or living the lifestyle they’ve worked hard to achieve. Happiness can be a simple state of contentment, or a peak of euphoria.

What constitutes happiness…. for you?

Is your ability to be happy overly linked to being part of a couple? Could your happiness not come from building a life which you love, with finding a life partner to be simply a cherry on the top? Is something stopping you from doing the stuff you love – either alone or with friends?

I met a great woman some years ago – we were part of a small group of people all gathered by a gate down a country lane, waiting to see the final flight of a famous old plane. She was there alone, chatting happily to strangers, but entirely content to be alone in silence. We got to talking rugby, and I discovered she’d been to a number of public open air events for the Rugby World Cup (held in the UK in 2015). I’d attended some games with family, but we’d not joined in the big open air stuff, so it was especially interesting to hear her experience of going solo. These were just two examples of things she wanted to do – so she did them – regardless of being alone. I wasn’t alone in finding her enormously charismatic – for, despite being a woman of a certain age, she wasn’t going to miss out on life simply because she was no longer part of a couple.

I wish I could recall her name now, but it was 7 years ago – be more like that wonderful woman!

If you were to put aside for a moment the drive to meet “the one” and put that time and energy into living – what might that include? In my fifties – as a singleton once more – I not only decided to do things I’d long put aside, I spent a year saying yes to invitations and opportunities, regardless of whether they were things I’d normally do. So long as it was safe and legal, I said yes. I had some great experiences, met some interesting and lovely people, and I look back on that year with huge joy and affection.

The honest truth is that building a life which makes you happy is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you don’t need someone, you’ll be far better placed – because when you meet the right someone, you’ll be able to decide that you want them for the right reasons. And if you don’t meet the right someone, the bonus is that you’ll have a fantastic life anyway.

An unexpected extra is that when you’re not giving out ‘on the look out’ vibes, you’ll find yourself attracting more attention. I got asked for my number and had more “call me!” requests when I went to an event purely to support a friend, than at any other time. I wasn’t on the look out – and it showed. I behaved normally, I was friendly and pleasant not snooty or rude – it was just that ‘finding someone’ genuinely wasn’t on my agenda that night (even though I wasn’t in a relationship at the time).

Focus on yourself and your life. Do things purely because you want to, or because they give you enjoyment. Of course you’ll need to be somewhere you can be found by those looking for a relationship, just don’t make it all your life is about.

Do what makes you happy – happiness is both contagious and attractive – don’t make your happiness dependent upon another person.

Do you enjoy doing things alone? If you’re part of a couple, do you enjoy doing things independently – either alone or with friends? Do you depend on another person for your happiness?

© 2022, Debs Carey