I mentioned in an earlier post that nearly half of first marriages end in divorce. Another statistic is that women instigate 2 out of 3 of those divorces. Despite the practical and financial load which those women go on to bear post divorce, the statistics state that they thrive.
So, when you’ve worked hard to achieve independence, why would you be in a hurry to lose it?
If this was a coaching session, I’d stop talking now…. and wait for your answer – because identifying your why is what matters. But it isn’t, so I’d better continue.
There are many reasons why you might risk the loss of your hard-earned independence. Let’s take a look at a few of them:
- desire to love and be loved
- need for adult conversation & companionship
- need for safe & regular sex
- tired of doing it all, all the time
- fear of life in any empty nest
- fear of loneliness
Enough songs have been written about love for there to be no need for me to expand. That doesn’t make the remaining reasons any less powerful, especially as they’re also expressions of vulnerable emotions – of need and fear.
A colleague once called a mutual friend an eternal optimist as she approached her third marriage, for she believed in both love and marriage, so was prepared to risk both her heart and her independence to achieve a successful union. I admired her for it.
But what if you’re not prepared to risk it? The option of living-apart-together (or LAT) is growing in popularity. Maintaining your separate lives and homes, but spending time together as and when you wish, or as suits your both – might that be an option for you? Knowing my eternal optimist friend – this lack of wholeheartedness wouldn’t suit her – but it might you. I know people who’ve had an LAT arrangement for over 10 years, and are extremely content with the choice they made.
I encourage you to think about all aspects of what you want your future life to be like. As I said in my first post of this series, it’s All About You.
What do think about the concept of Living-Apart-Together? Could you imagine the circumstances under which you might choose to LAT?
© 2022, Debs Carey