New blood to the world of dating often comes in the forms of the freshly divorced. On dating sites, they used to have what I (somewhat cynically) referred to as the “fresh meat” flag. It was a methodology for drawing attention to anyone new to the site, ensuring they received immediate attention and so were encouraged to sign up for more.
But is this just a good business ploy, or is it a good idea to snap up a man who is fresh to the world of dating on the principle that the good guys get gone quick? Well, yes and no, as my old friend Noel was apt to say. No hard and fast rule can apply, for it depends on the state of their emotional wellbeing. That old chestnut that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, is a classic method of moving on. And to a man with a dented ego, dashed dreams, an altered lifestyle, a bruised bank account and missing his kids – why wouldn’t that seem appealing? But this means there’s a risk you could end up being a sticking plaster, an ego boost, a way to send a message to the ex, even a way to avoid being alone. And it’s no good you asking them the question, because they probably aren’t even aware of their own unreadiness quite yet. Depressing huh?
The problem is if they’re hanging around on dating sites without being snapped up, there’s a tendency to wonder what’s wrong with them. Yes, I’m afraid we can be our own worst enemies in this game 🙂 So, what’s the solution? It would seem the only answer is to dip a toe in the water, while keeping your wits about. This allows you to find out more about them and their individual circumstance, all while remaining alert for any negative signs – when they demonstrate they’ve got unresolved emotions, be that pain or anger – as no-one needs to be an emotional or physical punchbag, that they’re pining for/not over their ex, when there’s inconsistency between their words and actions. If you do see the negative signs, the hard part is you have to act on them and walk away, rather than stay and hope for the best. So many women I know have a story of a just divorced man – some worked out wonderfully, others not so much. With the latter, I’m sad to say it was almost always a case of not acting on the signs (and I’m not too proud to admit being in their number).
So, by all means date someone’s who’s just divorced – just remember not to let your compassionate heart overrule your wise head.
If playing a game or snog, marry or avoid – what type of scenarios might you put into each category?
© 2022, Debs Carey