J: Just Divorced: snap ’em up or avoid?

New blood to the world of dating often comes in the forms of the freshly divorced. On dating sites, they used to have what I (somewhat cynically) referred to as the “fresh meat” flag. It was a methodology for drawing attention to anyone new to the site, ensuring they received immediate attention and so were encouraged to sign up for more.

But is this just a good business ploy, or is it a good idea to snap up a man who is fresh to the world of dating on the principle that the good guys get gone quick? Well, yes and no, as my old friend Noel was apt to say. No hard and fast rule can apply, for it depends on the state of their emotional wellbeing. That old chestnut that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, is a classic method of moving on. And to a man with a dented ego, dashed dreams, an altered lifestyle, a bruised bank account and missing his kids – why wouldn’t that seem appealing? But this means there’s a risk you could end up being a sticking plaster, an ego boost, a way to send a message to the ex, even a way to avoid being alone. And it’s no good you asking them the question, because they probably aren’t even aware of their own unreadiness quite yet. Depressing huh?

The problem is if they’re hanging around on dating sites without being snapped up, there’s a tendency to wonder what’s wrong with them. Yes, I’m afraid we can be our own worst enemies in this game 🙂 So, what’s the solution? It would seem the only answer is to dip a toe in the water, while keeping your wits about. This allows you to find out more about them and their individual circumstance, all while remaining alert for any negative signs – when they demonstrate they’ve got unresolved emotions, be that pain or anger – as no-one needs to be an emotional or physical punchbag, that they’re pining for/not over their ex, when there’s inconsistency between their words and actions. If you do see the negative signs, the hard part is you have to act on them and walk away, rather than stay and hope for the best. So many women I know have a story of a just divorced man – some worked out wonderfully, others not so much. With the latter, I’m sad to say it was almost always a case of not acting on the signs (and I’m not too proud to admit being in their number).

So, by all means date someone’s who’s just divorced – just remember not to let your compassionate heart overrule your wise head.

If playing a game or snog, marry or avoid – what type of scenarios might you put into each category?

© 2022, Debs Carey

7 responses to “J: Just Divorced: snap ’em up or avoid?”

  1. Ronel Janse van Vuuren Avatar
    Ronel Janse van Vuuren

    I know of too many friends who have ended up in horrible marriages when snagging up divorced men to go that route. Though, one can never say never.

    Ronel visiting for the A-Z Challenge My Languishing TBR: J

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes Ronel, I can totally believe that. Fortunately the only newly divorced man I met during my dating days was so clearly not ready, that I stepped away very early. He was a very nice man and has probably made someone a good mate now, but at the time – nope!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t have much experience in this department, but I can say that if you’re sticking to any kind of relationship purely out of pity, you aren’t doing yourself any favors, and you’re not doing the other person any favors either.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly James. There are plenty of good reasons to work at a relationship, but pity is surely not one of them.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I get your point on dipping a toe. Fortunately, touch wood, my friends who married divorced men are actually happier. Wishing everyone happy beginnings and endings and everything in between!

    Hope you check out my posts for the A-Z challenge in which I am trying to have every sentence of the story start with the letter of the day https://momandideas.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mom & Ideas, although I’ve heard way more horror stories than happy ones with newly divorced men, there’s no doubt that they don’t deserve to be dismissed, hence my dip a toe suggestion. Most of us are good people, but we’re not necessarily aware of our emotional state when we’re in turmoil.


  5. […] matter?H: Happiness: what does that look like for you?I: Independence: how much do you want to keep?J: Just Divorced: snap ’em up, or avoid?K: Kink: If it’s you thing, should you share it?L: Love Bombers: why they’re dangerousM: […]


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