John Lennon was right – money can’t buy you love, what it can buy you is someone who’s looking for a Sugar Mummy (or Sugar Daddy, when the boot is on the other foot). But that’s not love – it’s a financial transaction.
When I was in my early twenties, a millionaire made such a financial proposition to me – I don’t call it is a proposal, for it was a financial transaction. I’d get to benefit from the trappings of his wealth, and he got a young woman with whom to have a second family (his adult children were older than I was). I declined politely. Friends later laughed at me, suggesting I could simply have shagged him to death 😉 All I can say to that is – I don’t know who became his second wife, but he lived to a ripe old age 😀 and I’ve never once regretted my decision, despite the financial hard times.
But putting that extreme aside, because most people aren’t going to find themselves in a Sugar Mummy or Daddy situation, let’s take a look at differing attitudes to money.
If you’re someone who prizes financial security, how comfortable would you be in a relationship with an entrepreneur who chooses to back his business ventures with the asset of the family home? If you’re someone who prizes a luxury lifestyle, how comfortable would you be in a relationship with someone who has no drive or ambition? If you’ve worked hard to climb out of debt, how comfortable would you be in a relationship with someone who regards debt as the natural state to be in, and just adds another one to the pile?
What other mismatches might there be? New cars vs private school fees. Nice holiday vs professional training. Deposit for the kids vs a second home abroad. Investing in the business vs doing up the house. Plentiful disposable fashion vs fewer investment pieces. Gas guzzler vs electric car. A big enough house vs a mega mansion. Saving up vs leasing. Financial planning vs spend till it runs out. Our money vs your money and my money. Joint bank account vs individual separate bank accounts. Booze with the boys vs coffee with the girls. Yet more of designer shoes vs mid-life crisis motorbike. Split it equally vs it’s mine, all mine.
And yet…. is this something couples talk about before they move into serious coupledom? Money, and different attitudes to it, can be a surprisingly emotional topic, and it’s also one people often find too embarrassing to raise. The only problem with that is that once you’ve a financial commitment together, or you’ve exchanged rings, it gets costly to find out you’ve got very different attitudes to money. Do it first. Trust one who learned that particular lesson from experience.
Do you talk about money? Or do you find it gauche or grabby? Would you talk about it before you took the step of financial or marital coupling up?
© 2022, Debs Carey