Obviously I’m going to hark back to my It’s All About You mantra and remind you that the first questions to ask are the ones to ask yourself. Once you’ve got the answers to your questions, then the questions you should ask him are the ones which will enable you to identify whether your potential date meets your criteria.
I could stop this post right there 😉 but let me I’ll elaborate.
Obviously I don’t intend that you should attend your first date with a clipboard and lengthy questionnaire – at least I hope that’s obvious 😉 But, where do you start?
I’d generally not be willing to leave the house until after I’d received satisfactory answers on my non-negotiables – otherwise there’s the risk of being caught up in a series of utterly pointless first dates, turning dating into a relentless grind. And as I’m all about you not wasting your valuable energy and time, that would be my advice. You may prefer to take that step face-to-face, but do consider re-evaluating that decision if you start feeling drained by the process.
If the initial non-negotiables criteria is met, you can move on to the other items on your carefully honed list. It’s best you don’t engage in firing out question after question, mix it up, have a conversation. It’s easy to prepare a carefully crafted answer to an expected question, but people relax during a conversation and stuff gets said which will provide you with the answer to your question – you just have to listen.
How about finding out what they’re looking for? I know it may feel uncool to ask, but how much time are you prepared to waste on someone who wants something different to you? Hindsight taught me quite how much time I wasted with those who were all “I’m just going with the flow”. Of course, if going with the flow is what you want, then you’ve struck gold – but if you’re after a serious relationship, then it’s time to say “lovely to meet you” and move on. That “what are you looking for” question is one I believe is important to see answered face-to-face. Tone of voice, facial expression and body language can tell you a lot, even if the words don’t.
Remember, you are The Prize – you’re allowed to be fussy and it’s absolutely OK to insist on having your standards met. Why on earth would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can’t respect and who doesn’t see your true worth? There are some matters where compromise is both right and necessary, but not your key requirements – on those, you stick to your guns!
Have you ever been asked any unusual or funny questions during dates? Do you have a favourite question you like to ask?
© 2022, Debs Carey