How high on your list of requirements is respect? Not just his for you, but yours for him. This poem says it better than I on the big stuff….

If we can not respect another
How can we expect them to respect us
If we can not respect someone’s beliefs
How can we expect them to respect ours
If we can not respect another’s race
How can be expect that race to respect us
If we can not respect others
How can we expect respect in return

David Harris

In practical terms, we’ll start this with his for you.

Of course you want to be respected – what sane person wouldn’t? The sad answer is a person who’s lacking in self-worth is likely to have doubts about whether they’re worthy of respect – and that’s how abusive relationships happen. Once again, I return to my opening statement that It’s All About You. In order to be respected, you must respect yourself first. In a long list of selfs – self-respect is key, for without it, you leave yourself open to not only not being disrespected, but being abused.

Now let’s switch to yours for him….

OK, so you fancy him rotten, but do you respect him? What do you think about what he does for a living, about his intellect, his thought process, how be treats other people? What aspect must be present in him for you to feel respect. Go on, put them in order – and don’t limit yourself to my suggestions.

Now let me tell you a story. I’m a sapiosexual – attracted to intellect. I have dated clever men and not so clever men – and I hugely prefer the former. Some of those clever men had high earning jobs, some did not. But In the end, it was other qualities in those men which made the difference. I came to realise that what a man does for a living doesn’t ultimately matter – to me – as much as the combination of their big brain with certain personal qualities. And that surprised me. For I’d previously placed what a man does for a living high up my list of priorities.

If how he puts treats other people is top of your list, then how he behaves towards those in the service industry – waiting staff for example – will allow you to see quickly and clearly who he is. I was somewhat taken aback when a man selected and ordered my wine on a first date. When I asked to change my glass to red wine, he demonstrated his displeasure by being rude and dismissive to the waiter, ultimately refusing to leave a tip. As we’d agreed, up front, to split the bill and he’d chosen the restaurant, that wasn’t a factor. I went back, apologised to the waiter, and left one myself. He wasn’t surprised I didn’t want a second date, because when I lose respect for someone, it’s hard to keep it hidden.

Get clear on what it takes for you to respect him, question and challenge yourself with what-if scenarios to be absolutely sure.

What behaviour or beliefs would cause you to lose respect for a person?

© 2022, Debs Carey