The quotation I’ve chosen is from a man who plays American football. A big guy, well able to take care of himself, yet this is how he describes safety. He’s able to see past his own point-of-view and understand that yours is different. And that’s important. We all have different learned experiences, and we adjust our behaviour accordingly. So I’m not going to insult your intelligence by telling you how to stay safe.
But here are a few scenarios you could might encounter in the dating world….
Scammers are at the top of everyone’s list. In short, if anyone asks you for money, no matter how heartrending the story, it’s a scam. Say no & cut off communication.
The ordinary stuff is fake profiles and these have a purpose beyond intent to scam – there’s also who use dating sites to relieve boredom, married people seeking a shag, and those who simply tell untruths. Old pictures, lies about relationship status, age, body type/size, height, whether they drink or smoke etc, etc, etc. There is plenty of advice online, such as how to carry out a reverse image search on google. Common fake profiles purport to be military or medical, and they’re now even all over social media. Just ensure you’re not looking through rose coloured lenses and keep your wits about you.
Narcissists are a particular danger – see my previous post about Love Bombers – and, again, there’s plenty of information online about how to identify them. Be especially careful about narcissists, as they’re masters at reeling a person back in. Cut off communication & block, block, block.
But one surprising category I came across was those who have the financial wherewithal to use premium (paid for) dating sites – the normal domain of the serious dater – for amusement. I’ve called this practice Shooting fish in a Barrel because the person I met who told me about his preferred site for this practice, described the plentiful supply of victims he found there as shooting fish in a barrel. I’ll be honest, until that point, he’d triggered absolutely no alarms – and I was well experienced in the dating world by this time. On the surface, he appeared to be the ideal date – yet his preferred sport was to mess around with women who were looking for serious relationships. It’s possible that with more time spent together, the alarm bells may have started to tinkle, but as he outed himself willingly, all I had to do was listen and believe what I heard.
You don’t have to act as if everyone is out to get you. Just be aware, keep your wits about you, and when they tell you who they are, believe them.
Any other advice to share for those dipping a toe into the world or dating, or seeking a new relationship?
© 2022, Debs Carey