T: Not before the Third Date!

I’m guessing we’ve all heard the one about the third date, before which – as a woman – one must not engage in sexual congress unless you want to be judged. I’ve promised myself I will not rant on this topic, so I’ll limit myself to the following….

There are legions of women who’ve broken the rule and are happily married to their perfect man, sadly there are even more legions of women who’ve been judged, which makes this a topic that still needs to be addressed. You could look at it as a way to weed out the wheat from the chaff – in that any man who judges you negatively for breaking the rule isn’t a man you’d want any more to do with. Or, if you’d be in danger of having your sense of self-worth worn down by the constant judgement, then it may prove safer to stick with the rule and let them show you first that they are worthy.

The Rules – the book that is – has now been updated for the modern, digital era. I’ll hold up my hand and admit I’ve not read the updated version (yet) but they were originally about how to ‘capture the heart of Mr Right’ by a process of manipulation. A few of the rules had some merit, but it was the dishonesty of being other than yourself in order to entrap a man which I couldn’t get on board with. As someone who’s always valued authenticity, advocating that you have to pretend to be something you’re not in order to capture a man’s heart, will never sit well with me. There are other – more modern – offerings such as Why Men Love Bitches and He’s Just Not That Into You, which tread a similar same path. By all means, dip in and select any advice which may prove beneficial, but do please ensure you remain the wonderfully authentic woman you are and have always been.

For the only rules you truly need are your own. What type of behaviour sits right with you – in you and a potential mate? How do you want him to treat you, and to treat others? How do you feel about whether he has his phone in his hand or in his pocket? How will you want a suggestion of something sexual to be made? Do you want to discuss exclusivity first? What form do you want contact to take – regular calls, texts and messages – or not? Do you want access to their social media to check they’re who they purport to be?

Decide on your rules – and then make sure you keep them…. or only break them with aforethought and for a really good reason 🙂

Have you ever read The Rules, or any other dating/relationship books? What rules do you have, or would you advocate?

© 2022, Debs Carey

7 responses to “T: Not before the Third Date!”

  1. Ronel Janse van Vuuren Avatar
    Ronel Janse van Vuuren

    “He’s Just Not That Into You” is a good book — picked it up as a teen and never looked back 🙂

    Ronel visiting for the A-Z Challenge My Languishing TBR: T

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ronel, that’s on my TBR. Thanks for the recommendation as it’s soooo long that I’m having trouble prioritising.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ronel Janse van Vuuren Avatar
        Ronel Janse van Vuuren

        There’s a movie based on the book, too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks Ronel, I’ll look out for it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not sure if Snookums and I waited until date three. I guess that depends on what counts as a date. I mean, if you happened to already know each other and had gone to things before. Or do you need to count from a more exclusive time? Do they have to be three consecutive, or like, if there’s significant time between because one of you went to school and thus you didn’t see each other for months, do you have to restart at one? Also, does this only apply to women? Because that’s a big factor.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh J, you rule breaker you! This is one where my personal opinion and chosen behaviour wasn’t front & centre, but simply expressed in one single sentence. Sadly, this rule – and pretty much all dating rules – only apply to women, and yes I did have to hold myself back from railing against this scenario, but I promised myself I’d not rant in my professional posts.


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