Values come in all shapes and sizes, they can be both altruistic and self-focused – but it is vital we own them and prioritise them in seeking a mate.

What do I mean by Values? Values are the things that are important to you – principles, morals, things which motivate you or guide your decision making – and they’re often expressed as abstract nouns.

You may prioritise different values in different aspects of your life – for example at work, your top values may be professionalism and leadership, while as a member of society your top values may be ecology and equality. In the same way you’ll have personal values, some of which will be specific to your relationships.

Let me give you some examples….

• If honesty is the top of your value list – how long would a relationship with someone whose first instinct is to tell an untruth to get out of trouble last?

• If financial security is a top value – could you honestly live with someone who was entirely happy-go-lucky about bill paying and debt?

• If you prioritise ecological living and treading lightly on the planet – how would that impact on you having a relationship with someone who runs high performance cars and a private jet?

• If you’re a thrill seeker and party animal – could a relationship with someone who’s an introverted home body work?

There are plenty of more mundane examples but the key thing is that when you live a life that doesn’t align with your values, it makes you unhappy, it affects your stress levels, and it’s likely to have an impact on your feelings of self-worth, self-esteem and self-respect.

So, do you know what your top values are? You know what I’m going to say – make a list! Make it as long as you like to start, you can always cut it down later by eliminating any which overlap, or by prioritising a few. If you’re genuinely stuck for ideas, try Pinterest.

Values matter. Get clear on yours first, then seek someone whose values match yours.

What Values do you think are important in relationships – any kind of relationship, whether that be professional, friendship or romance?

© 2022, Debs Carey