Y: was that a Yawn?

A dear friend of mine was known for her preference for toy boys (and hats off to her for challenging the status quo) but she had a rule that they couldn’t be below a certain age because, unless they’d lived a bit, they had no conversation πŸ™‚ For attraction which is solely physical does not a relationship make. If you find them boring outside of the bedroom, they’re not the full package.

I’m not saying that it all needs to be terribly cerebral and high-falutin – you just need to be able to talk to one another without needing to stifle a yawn. As with everything in life, it’s about knowing what you like, and finding it. Whether that’s discussing the footie and the latest work gossip, or Freud and Proust – the only issue is when you’re mis-matched.

Let me give you an unusual example: I know of one long-lasting marriage where the husband and wife are passionate about politics – while holding opposing views. They regularly have loud and public political disagreements, only to go home together happily, as much in love as they ever were. For them, someone who doesn’t care about politics would be an anathema, whereas it’s entirely possible to accommodate differing views.

I’m fortunate because it doesn’t matter to me what you like to talk about, if you’re knowledgeable and passionate (or witty and amusing), I’m interested. The only people I struggle with are those who consistently complain of boredom – and do nothing to relieve it.

But what about you? Could you love someone despite them having a passion for something arcane and dull? Do you need them to be actively involved in your hobbies and interests, or do you prefer it if you both get to do your own thing? Finding your partner’s interests boring is not the death knell, finding them boring almost certainly will be.

If you need to be mentally stimulated, then focus your search on a man with a good brain, but understand that there are a significant number of men who are uncomfortable with clever and successful women. Do I have views on that subject? Absolutely! But I chose not to waste my time – and to regard it as just another filter to be applied in the selection process.

Decide what you like – and what you don’t. Then apply your filters. Do not waste your time with those who don’t match you, let alone those who are not worthy of you, your time and your attention.

How large a part does mental stimulation play in your relationships – be they romantic or platonic?

Β© 2022, Debs Carey

7 thoughts on “Y: was that a Yawn?

  1. Your blog has such excellent advice. Wish to hav known it earlier. Anyway late is better than never. U raise important points…not just bedroom there shud b stimulating conversations or discussions to keep that spark alive even if opposing views!

    I enjoy ur posts/advice!

    Dropping by from a to z “The Pensive”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ronel Janse van Vuuren says:

    If you can’t stand a healthy debate, then just move on. I heard/read somewhere that the ideal age for a toy-boy is half your age plus 8… that math gets really interesting the older I get. LOL.

    Ronel visiting for the A-Z Challenge My Languishing TBR: Y

    Liked by 1 person

    1. debscarey says:

      Yup Ronel, that’s exactly the equation my friend used – but with the added proviso I mentioned. It does – indeed – get interesting as one ages πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m super passionate about my writing and my art. I dated someone once who was a fellow writer, and that didn’t go well. We had a little too much in common, and we very quickly ran out of things to talk about. But I’d still want to be with someone who’s passionate about something. Just not the exact same things I’m passionate about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. debscarey says:

      Exactly James, I can’t imagine being with someone who was meh about everything, being passionate about their thing is just great. I’ve not been with anyone who exactly mirrored my passions, so what you say is very interesting. What is needed is that each party is supportive of the other’s passions and allows them time & energy to pursue them.

      Liked by 1 person

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