I used to have a really good relationship with my mother. After my daughter was born, I lived in a multi-generational family home, where I actively choose to spend our free time together. We talked openly, I trusted her completely with the care of my only child; a child who – while now grown-up with children of her own – has a loving relationship with her grandmother, but one with healthy boundaries.
As the years have passed and I’ve grown – in both knowledge and experience – I’ve noticed things being “off”. Initially, it was just the occasional incident. But over time, those incidents became more frequent, and more negatively impactful, until that good relationship became a difficult one.
So, what sparked the light-bulb moment when, aged 66, all the pieces fell into place about my mother having NPD?
Over the years I’ve had a shed load of therapy. I’ll never add up what I’ve spent, because it’s been worth Every Single Penny. Since then, I’ve been receiving coaching, and digging into why I hold back from following my dreams. And, truth be told, there were a lot of reasons, so uncovering them has been like peeling that proverbial onion. But eventually, all the roads led back to that critical relationship – the one with my mother.
It was only when I stepped away from trying to understand why she did things and simply focused on what she did, that those pennies started to drop. The rattle of those pennies got too loud to ignore while I was writing something about Love. I talked to a couple of people about those thoughts which had come up, and it rapidly became a “how could I have missed it” experience.
I have done tons of work looking back on my troubled relationship with my mother, but it was only when looking forward, when encouraged to put the blinkers on and really focus, that I was able to see how it was holding me back from doing those things I’ve really wanted to do, and for a very long time.
When I was training to be a coach, I spoke to my counsellor about whether coaching was the natural next step for anyone wanting to move forward with their lives, and – for me – it absolutely has been.
Don’t be afraid to look into your own why and what, especially if they’re holding you back from following your dream.
© Debs Carey, 2024
DEBS CAREY 